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Name: Dr. Jose M. Arcaya
Profession: Clinical psychologist, psychoanalyst, associate professor of psychology.
License Number: New York State License #: 007907
Location: Manhattan, New York City; Bronxville, Westchester County, N.Y
Education
1982, Certification in psychoanalysis, Postgraduate Center for Mental Health
1984, Certification in group psychotherapy, Postgraduate Ctr. for Mental Health
2004, CUNY School of Law, J.D.
1983, New School for Social Research, Ph.D. in clinical psychology
1975, Union Graduate School, Ph.D. in social psychology
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Professional experience
9/84-present: Associate Prof. of Psychology, City Univ. of N.Y.
9/83-present: private practice
9/78-8/84: Senior Psychologist, Family Court, NYC
9/75-8/78: Assistant Professor, University of Cincinnati
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Published work
More than thirty articles on a variety of topics related to psychology.
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Clinical interests
I am interested in choice-points or how individuals come to make resolutions that make their lives better. Change, I believe, occurs when someone is able to imagine the future differently than before. This transformation can take place only as an act of courage that destroys (partially or completely) the old and builds an untested new future.
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Love-Life interests and expertise
I have consulted with couples (married, single, gay, interracial, international) for many years. Apart from my personal training, I draw upon much personal experience. I have been married three times, once 10.5 years (resulting in 3 children with whom I have always had regular contact), once for 2 years (one child who died, leaving with the care of our son), and once for 4.5 years (who began an affair with an unknown stranger as a consequence of my enrollment in law school). Currently I am writing a book about that last marriage and how it came to end through her betrayal. These diverse experiences have taught me that love is a combination of luck, fantasy, and reality. We must increase percentage of luck through persistence, optimism, and frankness which can all be taught.
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Practice information
I work with children, teenagers, and adults. Half of my practice is devoted to couples’ counseling. I also perform child custody and fitness for duty court evaluations.
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Personal relationship status
Single but committed to the same woman for 2 years; father of three daughters (26, 25, 23) and one son (11).
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Love-Life biography
As suggested above, love (or its imitations) has crossed my path many times. On the whole I am very optimistic about it, but have learned that it has to be handled with care. Passion, of course, is always necessary to stoke the fires and to give motivation for love. However, I realize that it has to be tempered with objectivity—realistic expectations of myself and my potential mate. Thus, I traveled through three marriages, taking from them a progressive ability to talk frankly and anticipate emerging problems. The main lesson that I have learned is spot issues early, speak about them thoroughly (if possible), and keep my word when an agreement is reached from that discussion.
Basic to my evolving capacity to spot issues in my relationships has been the role that my family relations played in my development. As an immigrant, only child from Venezuela whose parents were divorced and who moved to this country at age 10 (although I have always returned for visits to my native land), finding an identity that integrated my complex past was not an easy job. It did not help that both of my parents were rather self-centered creatures, causing me to pull inward and withhold feelings out of self-protection. Unfortunately this solution was necessary given the environment in which I grew, but did not translate very well into the larger world of adulthood where generosity, toughness, and objectivity are important rather than self-protective defensiveness. I have learned that others have a need to be seen as they see themselves; defensiveness blocks one’s ability to view them in that empathic way. Thus, over time I have learned to give more compassion to others in my personal life than I was earlier able.
Although I have some bitterness toward my third wife who unilaterally decided to find herself a lover (someone she met on a train) rather than discuss with me her dissatisfactions, I see her now is as more lost and confused than malicious. My real beef is with her lover who took up with her and then returned to his wife and kids after being confronted by me and his wife with what he had done (you will have to wait until my book is published to learn all the details of the affair and its aftermath). He took advantage of a desperate, even sick woman. Now, more than two years later, I see this unhappy phase of my life in less bitter terms than then, but I want to write about it if only for others to use as a cautionary tale.
Therefore, at age 60 I am still growing and adapting. I have no time for remorse, but only to keep expanding my understanding of me and those who know me. As I write these final sentences I hope that I haven’t sounded corny. It is very difficult to be sincere without lapsing into universal truths already written by many others.
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