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Name: Dr. Cherie L. Villano
Profession: Clinical Psychologist/Psychoanalyst-In-Training
License Number: New York State License # 016259
Location: Brooklyn and Manhattan, New York
Education
Current: Analytic Candidate, National Institute for the Psychotherapies, NY, NY
2002: Doctorate of Clinical Psychology, Yeshiva University, Bronx, NY
1990: BA/MA English Literature, Georgetown University, Washington, DC
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Professional experience
2004 –Present: Staff Psychologist, The New York Center for Neuropsychology and Forensic Behavioral Science, Brooklyn, NY
2005 – Present Psychoanalyst-in-Training, NIP, New York, NY
2002 – 2006: Project Director, NDRI, Inc.
1995-2002: Research Associate, NDRI, Inc.
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Clinical interests
My clinical interests focus on the psychotherapy and psychoanalysis of adult interpersonal problems, including individual (self), relationship (attachment), and vocational difficulties. I believe that long-term psychotherapy can result in greater insight into one’s relational patterns/blocks, a deeper emotional connection to self and others, and can ultimately lead to changes in behavior and self-concept. Examining the relationship between analyst and patient is especially helpful, since we tend to repeat our problematic patterns and self-experiences wherever we go.
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Love-Life interests and expertise
My Love-Life interests and expertise emanate directly from my personal experiences: I am most interested in dialoguing with others about connecting and creating intimacy through friendship and romantic love. I believe that we can and should have rewarding, sustaining relationships with many people in our lives, which often enhance our romantic relationship. I believe in the necessity of maintaining a separate, satisfying sense of self in relation others; cultivating the self and asserting our needs and feelings in relationships leads to deeper and more satisfying attachments, from friendship to romantic love.
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Practice information
I work privately with adults in individual psychotherapy and psychoanalysis (more intensively, 2-3 times per week). I am also very interested in group therapy.
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Personal relationship status
Currently single, in a relationship for over 4 years.
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Love-Life biography
I recall making a strong pronouncement to my mother at the age of 13 or so, that I’ve been grappling with recently: “I’m NEVER getting married!” I believed that statement for a long time, though I’m sure a part of me secretly wished for the idealized union that we strive for in our society. Hence, I’ve been slow to experience what I consider a mutually satisfying, mature love relationship. I was “painfully in love” a few times in college, but in hindsight my addiction to the pain and drama of those relationships (read: often confusing, mixed messages; little real communication; multiple separations) kept me at a safe distance from self-disclosure, vulnerability, and intimacy. Recognizing my tendency to be co-dependent in my relationships with men (read: overly concerned with their needs, erasure of my own needs, and afraid of rejection), I remained mostly single for over 10 years after college, and dedicated my time and energy to acquiring my doctorate (read: delving in the safe world of academic/intellectual pursuit).
Also during my 20’s I had many brief, disappointing relationships with unavailable men, which reinforced my early pronouncement (“I’m NEVER getting married!”) and continued to keep me safe and removed from the risks of intimacy and potential loss. But during this time I also entered psychotherapy, and began to understand more about my own needs, my fears of closeness, and how I kept choosing “unavailable” men to maintain separateness and avoid abandonment. This time in therapy was a period of tremendous growth and consolidation for me: I grew close to (read: emotionally dependent on) my therapist and recognized my intense desire for closeness with others in my life, began to reveal more of myself to my friends and family, and began to choose new friends who were emotionally available and open to self-disclosure. My therapist and I wondered about how the new intimacy I experienced with her and in my friendships would translate to a love relationship; we regarded this new intimacy as an important “practicing phase” for romantic love.
During a period of internet dating (a great learning experience in itself), at the age of 35 I met a man online and began the first truly rewarding, loving, mature, and reciprocal romantic relationship in my life. From the start I’ve had to grapple with my ambivalence: here was a man who was emotionally and physically present, loving, patient, and kind—not the type I was accustomed to! It’s amazing to me how the
old patterns stick—I still fear that he won’t return my call, that he will leave me on a whim. I see also how these expectations keep me defensively removed from accepting
his love. Every day I try to be aware of my own mental process, and how I position myself to avoid being hurt. And I believe we are growing closer (read: revealing more about our thoughts and feelings, talking more about our needs and defensive processes). My relationship and my Self are inextricable works in progress, like anything else that is worthwhile.
Now I find myself challenging my old pronouncement (“MAYBE I want to get married!”), or at least wondering about the possibility of cohabitation. And a new desire has emerged in me: the desire to have a child. I’m sure it’s the result of my biological clock ticking (and some internalized social pressure, no doubt), but also of my experience of having a secure and loving union. I’m grappling with huge questions: Do I really want to be married? How necessary is cohabitation? Can I consider having a child without living with my partner? Can I have a meaningful and full life without having a child? Can I balance the demands of career and family life? These are not easy questions, but I believe they arise in different forms for anyone who tries to live a conscious and full life. As difficult as it is (read: as seductive as those old relationship patterns are), my intention is to remain open to greater understanding and communication in all of my relationships (read: strive towards interpersonal growth). I so look forward to dialoguing with people in Love-Life Workshops about how we all can experience greater fulfillment in our lives, especially in our intimate relationships.
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